Saturday, October 31, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
this must be what fate looks like...
you don't believe that this was fate? that regardless of the decisions we made, that we would have ended up here? do you really believe that every independent choice we made set us on paths that would have been there regardless? that we personally designed the course that has lead us to this moment?
what if i hadn't been in the store that day two years ago? what if you hadn't seen me or stopped me to remind me of the feelings i had for you so many years ago? what if you had actually allowed yourself to lose my email address? what if i had moved to los angeles when i was supposed to? what if i hadn't stayed in utah, so i could accept that first invitation to lunch? what if i hadn't called you when i had lost control of my decisions, and what if you hadn't found it endearing.
you did. i did. and now we do. but each of those instances held so much power, that i'm not sure only you or i could be left in charge of them.
i believe this is what fate looks like. i was fourteen when i first adored you. and now, ten years later i'm standing in front of your house, with my lips pressed against yours, and wishing you could pull me in so close that i might become a part of you. these moments are more than i could have asked for; so much more that i could never take credit for the decisions that were made to bring me here. this has to have already been laid out for us, written in the stars we saw every night for those years we lost sight of each other. i can't believe that this isn't just how we were meant to spend this time, regardless of the little decisions that came in the in between.
for me, it's too big to take credit for.
what if i hadn't been in the store that day two years ago? what if you hadn't seen me or stopped me to remind me of the feelings i had for you so many years ago? what if you had actually allowed yourself to lose my email address? what if i had moved to los angeles when i was supposed to? what if i hadn't stayed in utah, so i could accept that first invitation to lunch? what if i hadn't called you when i had lost control of my decisions, and what if you hadn't found it endearing.
you did. i did. and now we do. but each of those instances held so much power, that i'm not sure only you or i could be left in charge of them.
i believe this is what fate looks like. i was fourteen when i first adored you. and now, ten years later i'm standing in front of your house, with my lips pressed against yours, and wishing you could pull me in so close that i might become a part of you. these moments are more than i could have asked for; so much more that i could never take credit for the decisions that were made to bring me here. this has to have already been laid out for us, written in the stars we saw every night for those years we lost sight of each other. i can't believe that this isn't just how we were meant to spend this time, regardless of the little decisions that came in the in between.
for me, it's too big to take credit for.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
schemed me....
uck i am so completely furious with this whole finding an apartment in london debacle that all i can do is focus on not screaming at the top of my lungs and breaking down into globs and globs of tears!
Friday, October 9, 2009
design sponge
being shop girl, i am really lucky to get to meet some really random and usually really awesome people. and on good days this means that they broaden my this is cool shit horizons.
today was one of those great days! a cute girl came in with a really great bag, and as we got to talking thanks to that jumping off point she mentioned that she was in from out of town and had heard about our store on a blog that she follows.
"and which blog is this?" i asked excitedly...because you know me, i love the blogs!
"design sponge" she replied
"ooooo" i squealed in a poor attempt at covering my intrigue at this new bloggy treat (that sounds disgusting but i'm keeping it!)
i kindly waited until she had left the store to jump to the site...you know because it would just be rude to ignore a real person for the digital world of the interweb!
but oh golly! once i got there i obviously fell in obsession!! i quickly clicked on the city guide link and found myself in heaven....city guides for places i love, places i miss and places i can't wait to see!
salt lake was my first stop, just because i'm always interested in seeing how other people view my hometown.
but on my way down the list i spotted buenos aires, charlotte nc (what what mp!!), london (my love), manhattan (if you can ever get out of the studio z), paris (mon coeur) and a whole big long list of other intriguing destinations.
oh man this makes me want to buy a massive multi-stop ticket and just take off to explore the globe according to the sponge!
but phew...i am clearly very utah hip seeing as i am very aware of the places they have highlighted. and now there is a certain level of trust! sooo on to the next destination...
today was one of those great days! a cute girl came in with a really great bag, and as we got to talking thanks to that jumping off point she mentioned that she was in from out of town and had heard about our store on a blog that she follows.
"and which blog is this?" i asked excitedly...because you know me, i love the blogs!
"design sponge" she replied
"ooooo" i squealed in a poor attempt at covering my intrigue at this new bloggy treat (that sounds disgusting but i'm keeping it!)
i kindly waited until she had left the store to jump to the site...you know because it would just be rude to ignore a real person for the digital world of the interweb!
but oh golly! once i got there i obviously fell in obsession!! i quickly clicked on the city guide link and found myself in heaven....city guides for places i love, places i miss and places i can't wait to see!
salt lake was my first stop, just because i'm always interested in seeing how other people view my hometown.
but on my way down the list i spotted buenos aires, charlotte nc (what what mp!!), london (my love), manhattan (if you can ever get out of the studio z), paris (mon coeur) and a whole big long list of other intriguing destinations.oh man this makes me want to buy a massive multi-stop ticket and just take off to explore the globe according to the sponge!
but phew...i am clearly very utah hip seeing as i am very aware of the places they have highlighted. and now there is a certain level of trust! sooo on to the next destination...
shades of number four gray
he's either perfectly perfect or perfectly wrong.
he's either a genius or a fucking idiot.
i can't tell.
there is a chance that he is doing everything that i need him to be doing. it has been more than three dates and i would still consider myself captivated. the talking hasn't led to touching which hasn't lead to sex. there has been nothing. no kissing, no lingering of fingers. just two people finding comfort in each other.
we have gone out like what five times now? and it's interesting because while nothing really has happened, i'm still completely intrigued. genius. i haven't wished him to burst into flames, and i know that whatever he and i are doing, it for sure isn't just about sex. genius.
but then lay that down flip it and reverse it and we've been out five times and the most action we've seen has been two longish hugs, and one moment of huge possibility that then faded into nothingness. idiot. have you ever been out with someone so many times before any tangible affection?
there is a chance though, that this is exactly what i have been looking for. he has my attention. it feels like a challenge, which i am loving. i don't feel like he is just in it for the hook up since there has been none of that. he hasn't tried to feed me any sweet talking bullshit. he does actually follow through. and he has some qualities i am pretty into: he's fashion conscious, he's cultured, he likes to travel, he's smart and funny, he has a good job, owns his own home, loves his family and likes to drink.
but does he like me?
that is the big question. i guess he must like me at least a little bit, because he talks about the things we will do in the future, about coming to see me in london, and he calls me out of the blue, and is responsive and thoughtful. and if he really wasn't interested we wouldn't be doing things together like we are, but maybe we really are just in friendzone. which i thought i was fine with. not that it ever felt completly right, but i was willing to make it work until i really saw that there might actually be the space for something more.
wednesday, after we went and saw i hope they serve beer in hell, and we found ourselves back at his house trying to warm up after our walk there was a serious "ok this is when we should kiss" moment. it didn't materialized into such an event. but there was something there, something that made it a little bit harder for me to breathe and started me thinking about ways i might better seduce him. currently the front runners are: an arousing game of simon says ("simon says take you pants off..."), showing up and just simply taking my clothes off, and the old get him shitwrecked and let the "let's take advantage" chips fall as they may...(it worked with moose didn't it?).
as it stands right now though, it seems that he and i are dating while i am outsourcing action, and that will not do for much longer.
he's either a genius or a fucking idiot.
i can't tell.
there is a chance that he is doing everything that i need him to be doing. it has been more than three dates and i would still consider myself captivated. the talking hasn't led to touching which hasn't lead to sex. there has been nothing. no kissing, no lingering of fingers. just two people finding comfort in each other.
we have gone out like what five times now? and it's interesting because while nothing really has happened, i'm still completely intrigued. genius. i haven't wished him to burst into flames, and i know that whatever he and i are doing, it for sure isn't just about sex. genius.
but then lay that down flip it and reverse it and we've been out five times and the most action we've seen has been two longish hugs, and one moment of huge possibility that then faded into nothingness. idiot. have you ever been out with someone so many times before any tangible affection?
there is a chance though, that this is exactly what i have been looking for. he has my attention. it feels like a challenge, which i am loving. i don't feel like he is just in it for the hook up since there has been none of that. he hasn't tried to feed me any sweet talking bullshit. he does actually follow through. and he has some qualities i am pretty into: he's fashion conscious, he's cultured, he likes to travel, he's smart and funny, he has a good job, owns his own home, loves his family and likes to drink.
but does he like me?
that is the big question. i guess he must like me at least a little bit, because he talks about the things we will do in the future, about coming to see me in london, and he calls me out of the blue, and is responsive and thoughtful. and if he really wasn't interested we wouldn't be doing things together like we are, but maybe we really are just in friendzone. which i thought i was fine with. not that it ever felt completly right, but i was willing to make it work until i really saw that there might actually be the space for something more.
wednesday, after we went and saw i hope they serve beer in hell, and we found ourselves back at his house trying to warm up after our walk there was a serious "ok this is when we should kiss" moment. it didn't materialized into such an event. but there was something there, something that made it a little bit harder for me to breathe and started me thinking about ways i might better seduce him. currently the front runners are: an arousing game of simon says ("simon says take you pants off..."), showing up and just simply taking my clothes off, and the old get him shitwrecked and let the "let's take advantage" chips fall as they may...(it worked with moose didn't it?).
as it stands right now though, it seems that he and i are dating while i am outsourcing action, and that will not do for much longer.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
"and the loves???"
"what of the loves? tell us of the loves"
oh, the loves. they might be here or there. i know there are a few attempts milling about, but none of them seem to be anything i want. i just want to laugh, and kiss, have adventures, and collect memories that we capture in those digital spaces inside our camera. i want to wear boy jeans and watch football. i want it to really be fun.
but thus far, from boy to boy there have only been brief flashes of something i might allow to be loosely categorized as fun.
i hate dates. i can't stand the stress of preparing fro them, and then the fictional entertainment. and more than anything else, i hate having to pretend to like someone i wish would burst into flames or disintegrate into thin air, while also praying that they are adoring me. of course if the moment comes that they do in fact have a certain level of adoration for me, i am revolted by the very thought of them, and if they don't- i believe they should rot in some bad man landfill in death valley.
now those brave enough to ask for some date filled with the promise of a good time, are met with the simple impersonal fact that i just don't do that. "that's nice of you, but i don't date." it is assumed that they hear those words, in that those are the words that collide with their eardrums, but but somehow something gets lost in the translation. the "don't" goes in, but all that registers in their mind is a challenge. they can't get over the urge to convince that such a policy on dating is wrong. they try and say that they aren't asking for dates, not looking for any wifey, "just want to have...fun." but in the same way that "talking leads to touching and touching leads to sex and then there is no mystery left," "let's just have a casual drink" turns into "let's grab a quick bite," then "let's do this again," and all of the sudden we've been out five times and i'm looking across the table from you pretending to be interested in what we're talking about while the only thing running laps in my mind is fact that now that i know you i truly can't stand you.
so there is no love, only expensive outfits for marginal dinners, the replacement of awkward moments for a world of unknown possibilities, and the harsh forced smiles which cover the disappointment of having gotten to know someone and in that completely lost interest in them.
so for now i will stick to kissing boys i don't really know and avoiding the threat of anything more like our nation has begun avoiding the swine who carry flues.
oh, the loves. they might be here or there. i know there are a few attempts milling about, but none of them seem to be anything i want. i just want to laugh, and kiss, have adventures, and collect memories that we capture in those digital spaces inside our camera. i want to wear boy jeans and watch football. i want it to really be fun.
but thus far, from boy to boy there have only been brief flashes of something i might allow to be loosely categorized as fun.
i hate dates. i can't stand the stress of preparing fro them, and then the fictional entertainment. and more than anything else, i hate having to pretend to like someone i wish would burst into flames or disintegrate into thin air, while also praying that they are adoring me. of course if the moment comes that they do in fact have a certain level of adoration for me, i am revolted by the very thought of them, and if they don't- i believe they should rot in some bad man landfill in death valley.
now those brave enough to ask for some date filled with the promise of a good time, are met with the simple impersonal fact that i just don't do that. "that's nice of you, but i don't date." it is assumed that they hear those words, in that those are the words that collide with their eardrums, but but somehow something gets lost in the translation. the "don't" goes in, but all that registers in their mind is a challenge. they can't get over the urge to convince that such a policy on dating is wrong. they try and say that they aren't asking for dates, not looking for any wifey, "just want to have...fun." but in the same way that "talking leads to touching and touching leads to sex and then there is no mystery left," "let's just have a casual drink" turns into "let's grab a quick bite," then "let's do this again," and all of the sudden we've been out five times and i'm looking across the table from you pretending to be interested in what we're talking about while the only thing running laps in my mind is fact that now that i know you i truly can't stand you.
so there is no love, only expensive outfits for marginal dinners, the replacement of awkward moments for a world of unknown possibilities, and the harsh forced smiles which cover the disappointment of having gotten to know someone and in that completely lost interest in them.
so for now i will stick to kissing boys i don't really know and avoiding the threat of anything more like our nation has begun avoiding the swine who carry flues.
forgive the myspace moment!
navy and gold anthropology nightgown
nameless gray grandpa cardi
vintage brown boots
j crew huge link gold bracelet
would it make you uncomfortable if i asked you what you were wearing today?
Friday, October 2, 2009
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