so was that love?

two weeks ago, i think i fell in love with a man. i say i think because it was so new, and i'm not sure i knew any better. i told him i loved him, and he told me he didn't have time for me, that i was too young to settle on him. i told him it was my choice and he told me i should know better than to think i didn't deserve more than he could offer.

somewhere along the way we lost the fun. i know that. i know it was there though, at some point. i have vivid memories of it, of playing and teasing and giggling. but then it vanisged; dissipated into stolen moments we'll never see again.

one morning we woke up and it just wasn't there anymore and we forgot to notice. now i fear that i have forgotten how to get it back.

maybe i will blame him. he might have killed fun. i'm not sure there was any room for it with him there in the picture. there was excitement, and sweetness, and a few giggles induced by the shock of attention. but no real fun, no jovial adventures, or weightless laughter. so yes i do believe he is the fun eradicating culprit.

today i have a crush on a boy, and it feels like great fun. it could be that great chance i need to bring me back into the realm of nonsensical recreation...

photo by rick alarcon