it will be a piece of cake, i thought to myself.
much easier than moving to paris, i told myself.
"it's basically like moving to chicago," i assured everyone who questioned my sanity with their bass-like open mouth stares and questioning eyes.
yes. remember when i was so optimistic? that was a nice time. a time when i thought i had an apartment on craven hill instead of my own "how i got swindled out of a large sum of money thanks to someone i found on craigslist" story. a naive time one might say. i never thought to call it that. to me it was all fate.
now though, now i am calling these new moments insanely overwhelming. finding myself back in square one with a newly embittered attitude was not where i wanted to be fifty days before i am supposed to leave the homeland. i feel like i have a thousand things i should be doing digging themselves into every vulnerable surface. so i spend days trying to curl up around all my worrying pieces so as to conceal my stress and salvage my sanity. it isn't working.
most normal people in this situation would do everything in their power to try and alliviate the deep stabing stress, but i have instead resorted to running from the should dos and hiding instead in the dark while i try and keep the fear of failure from eecking out and ruining everything. i've never been very good at finishing...
it would be nice though, to take a deep breath of confidence again. so i will from this overwhelmed moment on stop turning my back on everything i need to do to prepare for this great adventure. it's time to get some shit done so i can revel in blissful anticipation again.
where to begin? well like everything else in my life- this will most likely have to begin with a solid list...now it's just a matter of maintaining a certain level of organization and serenity while i work towards a whole slew of check marks.
wish me luck!!
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